Well I had a great beginning of the month. By the way, this is an old story, meaning beginning of Sept. I woke up Wed Sept. 2 sick as a dog. My entire body ached BAD and I was freezing so bad my arms and legs were shaking. I should have gone to the hospital, but knew I wouldn't be able to drive and didn't want to call an ambulance. The next day I was a bit better but noticed the red sploches on my right shin and calf. Well I had cellulitis last year so I knew that's what it was. I also knew I had to go to get it fixed fast because cellulitis literally gets worse by the hour. So I worked midnite Thurs and called my doctor Friday morning. They said they couldn't take me till the 25th. Sorry, that ain't gonna happen. I'd be lucky to still have a leg by then lol. So I went to bed (I'd just got off a double) and went to the ER Friday evening. It's funny because I was thinking I could go in, get a scrip, get it filled and go eat. Nope. And by the way, unless you want to not go anywhere for a long time, NEVER tell a triage nurse at an ER that you have pain in your chest. I told him that when I took a deep breath it hurt. They went nuts. Did an EKG. Wanted to test me to see if I had a blood clot since the cellulitis was in 3 different spots and they were worried I might have one that was moving to my lung. So they admitted me to give me IV antibiotics. THEN they tell me there is a glitch on my EKG that could have meant I had heart damage possibly from a prior heart attack. That lead to a great moment when I talked to this cardiologist. He asked me "So how long ago did you have a heart attack?" My response: "Well until yesterday when I heard there was something wrong with my EKG, I never knew anything could be wrong with my heart." Got a REAL interesting look from that lol. So they did an Echo cardiagram and a stress and found nothing wrong. THANK GOD!. So my quick trip to the ER ended up with a 3 day stay. I finally got released Monday afternoon.
Then the IV they gave me was Levaquin. Which worked great I might add. But Levaquin can cause nitemares and hallucinations in less than 1% of people taking it. Guess who was in that less than 1%? The entire time I was there I kept hearing this constant primal screaming in my head. Every time I'd close my eyes or fall asleep I'd see these scenes where people in other rooms were being slaughtered. Or I'd see another bed in my room where someone was getting killed. It was like that point where you had just fallen asleep and have a whacked dream but you are kinda floating between being asleep and awake. Three days straight of this! It was driving me crazy lol. Pun intended. The upside to that is that I have this great image of this dead decaying lady getting pulled out of her bed by a demon. I'm gonna try to draw/paint that one. If it comes out even close to what I'd seen, it's gonna be a real trip.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Buckling Down a.k.a Writing is like moving.
I think I spelled that wrong. Whatever the -ing version of buckle is. I need to do it. I have 4 or 5 stories I've NOT been working on. Weird thing is, I have them completely thought out from beginning to end in my head. I only have the beginnings of them actually written down though.
There are a couple reasons for this:
1. the whole 2 jobs thing.
2. I'm now dating someone so my spare time has been spent "not writing." lol.
3. I'm lazy. and the most important and problematic reason
4. I have this "why bother? this is all pipe dream stuff, you should just try to do a REAL job instead of this dreaming."
That last one really bothers me. I keep telling myself that I should just do writing as a hobby instead of actually trying to pursue anything. Then I think that if it is just a hobby, I can put it off and do it at my leisure. THEN I never have any real leisure time, so I never do anything with it. Then....then....you get the point. I don't know. Not sure how that's gonna resolve itself. I guess I need to know it's worth it when deep down I know it can be. I need to know it on the surface too so I actually do something about it instead of just thinking ideas and never doing anything about them.
This gets to the whole "writing is like moving." That's a Dave Zarlengo original by the way. I'll explain. When you decide you want to move it sounds great in theory. Going somewhere better, moving on with your life etc. Then there is the actual "moving" part. The actual grabbing every single piece of stuff in your place, packing it, carrying it to the car or moving van, unpacking every single piece and putting every single piece in the new place.
Writing is exactly the same. You come up with an idea. You're excited. Have the entire thing thought out. But you have to actually WRITE it. Every single word, sentence, paragraph etc from beginning to end. It's a lot like cleaning out a closet and packing all the stuff in it one at a time. Real easy to get bogged down in the particulars.
Oh well, I'm losing my train of thought here. I'm at work and have been here since 4pm. (It's now 12:45am and I'll be here till 8.) And I'm the staff lol.
There are a couple reasons for this:
1. the whole 2 jobs thing.
2. I'm now dating someone so my spare time has been spent "not writing." lol.
3. I'm lazy. and the most important and problematic reason
4. I have this "why bother? this is all pipe dream stuff, you should just try to do a REAL job instead of this dreaming."
That last one really bothers me. I keep telling myself that I should just do writing as a hobby instead of actually trying to pursue anything. Then I think that if it is just a hobby, I can put it off and do it at my leisure. THEN I never have any real leisure time, so I never do anything with it. Then....then....you get the point. I don't know. Not sure how that's gonna resolve itself. I guess I need to know it's worth it when deep down I know it can be. I need to know it on the surface too so I actually do something about it instead of just thinking ideas and never doing anything about them.
This gets to the whole "writing is like moving." That's a Dave Zarlengo original by the way. I'll explain. When you decide you want to move it sounds great in theory. Going somewhere better, moving on with your life etc. Then there is the actual "moving" part. The actual grabbing every single piece of stuff in your place, packing it, carrying it to the car or moving van, unpacking every single piece and putting every single piece in the new place.
Writing is exactly the same. You come up with an idea. You're excited. Have the entire thing thought out. But you have to actually WRITE it. Every single word, sentence, paragraph etc from beginning to end. It's a lot like cleaning out a closet and packing all the stuff in it one at a time. Real easy to get bogged down in the particulars.
Oh well, I'm losing my train of thought here. I'm at work and have been here since 4pm. (It's now 12:45am and I'll be here till 8.) And I'm the staff lol.
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